You Write the Caption: The Osorio Edition

It has been a good while since the last installment of You Write the Caption but I can tell you that this week SBI will have at least two contests.

Today’s photo, courtesy of, is of New York Red Bulls head coach Juan Carlos Osorio, who has done an admirable job leading his new club to a 5-4-4 mark despite a myriad of injuries and the transfer of Jozy Altidore.

As you know, Osorio likes to take notes during matches and the practice has garnered snide remarks from plenty of opposing fans. With this in mind, here is your chance to figure out what he’s thinking and what he’s writing in that notepad of his.

You know the drill. Submit your caption suggestion and I will choose the ten best entries, with the reader whose entry is the best winning a t-shirt courtesy of SBI sponsor Objectivo Apparel. For those of you who haven’t visited Objectivo Apparel before, they have a good selection of soccer-themed t-shirts, and more importantly, SBI readers get free shipping on their orders. Just type in IVES in the promo code section for your free shipping.

Now, back to the contest. Try and figure out what’s going through the mind of the Colombian tactician. Try to be funny and please keep it clean (I’m looking at you Chicago Fire fans):


                                                                              Photo by

"Things-to-do list: Sign a forward, sign a midfielder, sign a defender, Call Wilman Conde back and contact the LA Galaxy for tips on circumventing the salary cap."

Now it’s your turn. What do you think Osorio is writing in his notepad? Share your caption suggestion below and if it’s good enough, you could win a free t-shirt.

Fire away.

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105 Responses to You Write the Caption: The Osorio Edition

  1. 4now says:

    To My Dear Fire,

    It’s hard to write this letter, and maybe you expected it, but yes, you were right all along – I should have never left you…

  2. groovester says:

    “ok, that’s section 3, row 6, ummm, seat 2, blonde, pouty lips, nice chest.”

  3. Tim Archer says:

    Ok…let’s see here…I need a lb. of beef, 6 baking potatoes…psst, hey ref…you got a good recipe for mac n cheese?

  4. brett says:

    who would’ve thought this sudoku would be more interesting then the game

  5. Ilya says:

    I am taking an order, yet not wearing the tucked-in tie!

  6. Duthie says:

    Note to self: Buy more white shirts, they are so comfortable!

  7. Elvis says:

    Note to self: score 1 more goal than opponent = win

  8. kpugs says:

    Might have been funnier if there was such a thing as section 3 in the stadium.

    As for my own completely lame attempt:

    “Dear Diary, game 13. Things looking bleak. All signs point to stereotypical season. Not sure how much more I can take. But it’s still better than being in Chicago.”

  9. Ted says:

    All I need is a razor blade, a mirror, and that bag Wilman is holding for me.

  10. DDT5583 says:

    Damn, I can never figure out how much to tip the delivery guy.

  11. Art says:

    Dear Chicago Fire, I hope we can set aside our differences….Now after saying that, wouldn’t you say giving over Blanco for Reyna is a fair trade?

  12. SayervilleFC says:

    If I keep writing things down I can fool people into thinking I have a clue, just like I fooled them into thinking I’m a good coach.

  13. markspence02 says:

    one cherry…two cherries…three cherries!!! I am a scratch off lottery winner! I wonder who I can sign with the winnings?

  14. Pat Pug says:


    “Now close your eyes

  15. DDT5583 says:

    Let’s see, what’s a six-letter word for being dominated by one’s wife, hmmm, well it begins with a W, that should help…

  16. wolverhampton wanderers says:

    Damn Soduku!!!!

  17. Pat Pug says:

    woops, i was working on a comment and hit post by mistake but not finsihed yet, my bad

  18. DDT5583 says:

    My wife is right, I should check the organ donor box before we play in Chicago

  19. Charlie N. says:

    When returning to the field after half-time, bring lysol from locker room. Yellow shirt guy is a gas-bag.

  20. briguy says:


  21. sublicon says:

    Dear Linesman…

    I like you, do you like me?

    Check: Yes [ ] No [ ]



  22. Robert says:

    Osorio on learning his way through Jersey to watch the Red Bull Park construction progress . . . “Okay, so that’s west on the Holland Tunnel, left at 14th, slight left at rt 139 (sings for what?), take US19 truck (truck?), right at rt 7W, take ramp to 280… wait, where’s the stadium and why am I getting on the highway. Should’ve gotten that Garmin.”

  23. EDB says:

    Dear NY,

    it was a great ride , but my family can not take it in NY. I am going to take a job in england where I have been before and my famly will get the support of the community.

    PS. I would like to take JPA and other quality players with me.



  24. socceraddict says:

    Now that I have sold Jozy, our budget allows for the aquistion of half the Colombian National Team, pay the balance of Reyna’s medical bills, hair care per diem for Van Den Bergh, and leaves William Conde enough money to take Sofia Vergara on a date. I owe you one Willy.

  25. brett says:

    wolverhampton wanderers- COPY-CAT!!!!

    sublicon- so far in my opinion, you should win the shirt 😀

  26. Katz says:

    I’ve always liked a man in yellow plus he gave me his number!

  27. Jason says:

    Look, I could really use a penalty right now. Money is no object. Just tell me how to spell your name.

  28. Ad for

    DESPERATELY WANTED–goal scorer for struggling MLS team. Must be willing to play on astroturf, must be willing to play for poverty wages, must be available July 15. No real experience required. EOE. (I don’t know what that means but everyone else has it).

  29. Seisco says:

    Damnit these New York Times crosswords are so much harder than the Chicago Tribuune’s!

  30. Alternatively:

    Damn, the budget is so tight, all I get is this teeny, tiny note pad and half a crayon. Didn’t we just sell Jozy?

  31. Michael F. says:

    “Remember to call Arena to tell him how on earth did I end up with these players.”

  32. HomeyBoehme says:


    X X O O X O X O X

    O X X X X O O X X

    X O O X O X O X O

    Thinking: “Damn…I can’t even coach myself to a tic tac toe victory.”

  33. HomeyBoehme says:

    Wow…thank you typepad for taking out my f-in’ spaces.

  34. Graeme says:

    “Note to self: read the Red Card rather than SBI. The writing is better, the links are actually funny, and most importantly, the writers don’t insult all the fans in the 3rd largest city of their readership. *Sigh* I wish I’d never left Chicago.”

  35. Jacob S. says:

    “Damn Red Bulls and MLS front offices always screwing things up. This league will never go anywhere…”

    [signs check made out to Villareal for $15 million to bring back Jozy Altidore]

  36. Don says:

    Note to self: find the notes you wrote last game!

  37. brooklyn_crew says:

    If I can just capture Arceus, I can finish Pokemon Diamond and focus on coaching.

  38. Dannyc58 says:

    Jusn Carlos takes down the linesman’s phone number in his “little black book” much to the lineman’s chagrin.

  39. Mike Caramba says:

    “LOLz i know but im co-chng rite now so txt me laterz. Luvz, J”

  40. sokahlova says:

    To whom it may concern:

    I quit!



  41. Whitescandal says:

    Can’t keep eyes open….own tactics….putting me….to sleep…

  42. PeteK says:

    “Note to Self – Do not crazy glue chin to chest.”

  43. MIchael Vann says:

    “Crap! Ubiparipovic. How in the hell do you spell it again?”

  44. Mike Caramba says:

    Osorio’s player ratings came in handy at halftime when determining which of the three speeches to give, the necessity to up the attack to an 8, turn tackling to hard, and untoggle “man marking.” After the game, Osorio received an email from the board notifying him van den Bergh’s recent performances have led to an increase in shirt sales and $48,000 was thusly added to the club’s budget.

  45. Fumar says:

    “Let’s see I used the career advancement excuse to get out of Bogota and the family to get out of Chicago. That leaves the ‘it’s always been my dream to manage . . . ‘ excuse and ‘they drove a dump truck full of money to my door’ excuse.”

  46. PCFC says:

    “Okay, Okay

    One Rojas?

    One Dickov?

    One Diego Jimenez?

    Do you want any lies with that?”

  47. Kevin says:

    1) “Have to get to K-Mart. 400 Oak Street. The sign said ‘Don’t Walk’. Have to get to K-Mart.”

    2) “Dang I bet Sigi can write in his notebook with one hand free.”

  48. Trex says:

    “Dear Hauptman,

    It wasn’t you, it was me. I just want to be friends! By the way, would it be weird if I dated your roommat… I mean, can you please trade me Conde or Marmol?? I’m going through a real hard time here. The distance is just too much! I know you’ll understand.

    Friends forever,


  49. Jacob S. says:

    Christmas List:






  50. sidenetting says:

    ” S H E L L Y L O N G”

    “Okay, got it. Why do you want me to google her career?”

  51. MZ says:

    My team is so boring

    At least I’m wining in hangman

  52. Chaz says:

    Osario and the linesman attempted to exchange phone numbers in secret before the ice cream social but were unsuccessful.

  53. TomM says:

    “Brilliant. This is bound to be the winning entry for SBI’s You Write the Caption”

    “I’m getting the t-shirt. I’m getting the t-shirt. I’m getting the t-shirt.”

  54. SeaOtter says:

    Hmmmmm….let’s see. Now how many times can I schedule us to play Dallas next season?

  55. William the Terror says:

    “Hmmm. Pete Rose assured me that we were one goal favorites in this game. Better get my bet down on the Galaxay/Dalas game to cover my losses.”

  56. Modibo says:

    Dear Wilman,

    It hurts me more to write this letter than it will hurt you to read it, but I have known since May 25th that it’s over…

  57. Redla says:

    Jozy Altidore – $10 Million

    Red Bulls Soccer Stadium – $220 Million

    Added “a lifetime supply of Red Bulls” on my contract – Priceless

  58. alnus says:

    Keep writing until my picture is featured on SBI’s You Write the Caption.

  59. bkfiv says:

    I’m a dumbass!!!

  60. PickMe says:

    When scouting in Brazil, don’t hang out with Ronaldo

  61. Igor says:

    “Let’s see, 4 defenders, 2 defensive midfielders, 2 wingers, 1 Reyna, 1 striker who can’t shoot. Wait, that doesn’t come out to a win. I swear it worked out before!”

  62. Joe G says:

    “Juan Carlos begrudgingly readies his resume, just in case the summer transfers don’t come through.”

  63. J Ray says:

    K-e-n-n-y C-o-o-p-e-r, man I got to get that guy into my MLS fantasy lineup!

  64. El Rey says:

    Position applying for? Head coach

  65. Gino says:

    “Lets see, 4 down. Five letter word for wasted DP slot begining with R.”

  66. SeaOtter says:

    Clue: Takes up 1/6 of my salary cap and is rarely on the field.


    | O

    | / I \

    | /


    C L A D O R E N A

  67. SeaOtter says:

    For My Last post:That didn’t come out right, but you get the idea.

  68. TomM says:

    “‘Please. Send. Help. Stuck. In. Sartre. Nightmare. Reyna. Won’t. Leave.'”

    “Now, where can I find a bottle?…”

  69. Reyes says:

    After nearing the halfway point to the season JCO has finally figured out that he would have a better shot at winning it big on a scratcher, than winning anything in NY. “Come on one more wheel and I get to go spin the wheel on TV”.

  70. Liam says:

    All work and no play makes Juan a dull boy

    All work and no play makes Juan a dull boy

    All work and no play makes Juan a dull boy

    All work and no play makes Juan a dull boy

    All work and no play makes Juan a dull boy

  71. Tim F. says:

    “I wish they would give me bigger stationary.”

  72. nicholas s. says:

    “None of my ‘You Write The Caption’ entries are good enough for a free t-shirt. Must. Think. Harder, Osorio. You can do this.”

  73. zackc says:

    “Suduku is hard.”

  74. 3VIL L33T says:

    People I’m Going To Kill One Day

    Don Garber

    Ref Ricardo Salazar

    Ref Jair Marrufo

    Ref Andrew Chapin

    Ives Galarcep

    Ref Kevin Stott

  75. jevanvoo says:

    Dear Dima, perhaps I was too hasty…

  76. Bill says:

    Dear Jozy — you left some shoes in your locker. Some big shoes.

  77. #1 – Unsatisfied with the calls against his team, Osorio plots revenge with a piece of paper, a pen and some tape – certainly, this would be one “kick me” sign this linesman will never forget!

    #2 – Being rather computer illiterate, Osorio writes in his entry for the soccerbyives “You Write The Caption” contest. He REALLY wants Objectivo apparel!.

  78. jman81 says:

    Reyna usually leaves the stadium at 11:20pm. His car, a yellow Hummer, is parked in lot 4, license plate “DP 4 EVAH.” Remember, it must look like an accident or else his contract won’t come off the books…

  79. Heffe says:

    Now, Mr. 4th Official, who do I write this check to in order to get some calls to go my way??!!

  80. Ferri says:

    All work and no play makes Juan a dull boy.

    All work and no play makes Juan a dull boy.

    All work and no play makes Juan a dull boy.

    All work and no play makes Juan a dull boy.

    All work and no play makes Juan a dull boy.

    All work and no play makes Juan a dull boy.

    All work and no play makes Juan a dull boy.

    (And so on…)

  81. Ferri says:

    In regard to my previous post:

    Liam..sorry I ripped you off, I searched the page and didn’t get a hit for it and assumed I was being original. Oh well-good post!

  82. inkedAG says:

    Must remember this after the game: Where is my dignity and how did I lose it…

  83. DavidJ says:

    Terrible call, ref. You’re down in my book.

  84. Chris says:

    “My god I suck at coaching”

  85. Jeffrey says:

    “What’s this? Wow! Ives just gave a coupon for 10% off at Objectivo Apparel. Cool”

  86. Steve says:

    PR note to self: never allow yourself look as confused as Hyndman does on the Dallas bench.

  87. Steve says:

    PR note to self: never allow yourself look as confused as Hyndman does on the Dallas bench.

  88. Dominghosa says:

    Osorio: “Last time I steal office supplies from Mini-Me.”

  89. dallen says:

    JCO – Ok, so let’s see ref…that’s George Washington Jr. High in Brooklyn? What’s the address there? What’s the kid’s name?

    Ref – Juan, I told you he’s only 12.

    JCO – Listen, you said he is an attacking mid. Just give me the damn address! I’m desperate here!

  90. Phil says:

    Trade idea: Angel, Conway, and Stammler to LA in exchange for a 4th round supplemental draft pick and agreeing to sign Claudio Reyna.

  91. quartz62 says:

    top 5 ways I can screw over RBNY worse that I did Chicago:

    5. sign a washed up columbian striker…check

    4. Don’t sign a mid or defender…check

    3. keep Reyna….check

    2. cost them a bundle of money when I could have come over for free….check

    1. Sell Altidore….check

  92. TapocoL says:

    My *Cute* List

    – FC Dallas is really a mess if we beat them.

    – Call Wilman.

    – Find out why Angel and Reyna are being so rude, and won’t play anymore.

    – Accidentally bump into this cute ref

    – If I have time, then coach.


    – Finish cute designs too.

  93. Zungazan says:

    “Dang, it’s embarassing I forgot my pencil. I’ll just fake it.”

  94. arm says:

    I’m in enough trouble already…I can remember the milk, eggs and bread, but what else was I supposed to bring to the table?

  95. BoraFan says:

    “Hmmn… 9 letter word – ‘to render powerless or useless’ that’s easy. . . H-A-M-S-T-R-U-N-G”

  96. Anthony D says:

    huh… I told my wife to get this red bull energy drink stain out of my shirt!

  97. anotherbodymurdered says:

    Note to self: Call Giuseppe Franco and try Procede absolutely risk free… Hmph, wonder if he can do anything for my thinning defense?

  98. HE from NJ says:

    I got a great quote for SBI’s ‘You Write the Caption’ …

    “Hugo Chavez’s new Ralph Lauren vest.”

    I always do my best thinking on the field! Maybe i should concentrate on the game ? … Nah!

  99. Redla says:

    What the hell ‘DP Coming June 2008′ in Ives’ site mean?

  100. Nic D "The Texas 2 Stepper" says:

    Osorio: “Preheat oven to 350 . . .

    Two cups of Flower

    One cup of Sugar

    Two pinches of Baking Powder

    Hmmm . . . How many eggs?”

  101. chupacabra says:

    Wow! Max Bretos was right. Ubiparipovic spelled backwards really is Civopirapibu!!

  102. Eugene says:

    “$130 to RCN Cable…

    $150 to Con Edison…

    $300 to Verizon Wireless… might as well make the best use of my time!”

  103. estock says:

    Red Bull’s coach Juan Carlos Osorio, seen here playing ‘Guess The Red Bull Transfer Targets’, was recently awarded ‘Most Valuable Columbian’ by the Red Bull players and board

  104. Steve says:

    Dear Jozy,

    This is my third letter this week and I have yet to receive one in return. You haven’t returned any of my calls and I’m starting to think that you don’t want me anymore. The truth is, i need you. Jozy…you complete me.

  105. Ryan says:

    hmmm…possible RBNY MLS All-Star candidates…uh….does the hotdog vendor who insists on yelling “dog show here, dog show” count?